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Finding Happiness

November 17, 2014

Cancer kills people and ruins so many things. It takes away your happiness and it has a smell. One that I will never forget and it is terrible. It makes people afraid and everyone in its wake is affected. No one gets out alive. The patient will die and those that mourn will never forget its evil.

Through these many bleak months, weeks, days and hours I have come to understand that I can’t understand this insidious illness and yet there has been such kindness that I have received from loved ones and strangers. I realize that I can’t take back the past, but I can live in the present. I can go to sleep at night and be grateful for what others give to me, a smile, thoughts and wisdom, music and books.

I could choose despair as it would be easy and then I would be controlled by it. But I will not. I will choose the beauty in how this all shakes out. The beauty of love and memories and of thinking that I am grateful for all that I have. The beauty of a wonderful day filled with voices of friends and children; the beauty of a warm hat, fabulous oysters, and realizing that 20 years ago I started a tradition. Nobody remembers that, and that is as it should be, but I do and so tomorrow I plan to create another tradition. What is it? I have no idea. I think I’ll just believe that some higher force will bring it to me!


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